Sunday, January 8, 2017

If other crimes were treated the same as rape

Police: Did you murder these two men?
Murderer: Yeah, but they were asking for it.
Police: How so?
Murderer: Well, I mean, just LOOK and what the first one is wearing. Does that look like an outfit that says, "Please, don't murder me?" You know he wanted to be murdered or he wouldn't have worn that fucking Affliction T-shirt!
Police: Well, that is true. Everyone knows that Affliction T-shirts do inspire murderous rages in people.
Murderer: RIGHT?! So why did he wear that if he didn't want to get murdered? And look at his friend. His friend was already drunk and passed out. How could I even know if he wanted to be murdered? It's not like he told me not to murder him. He didn't say anything so obviously he was up for it....
Police: Yes, I can see what you mean.  I would have done the same thing. Technically, though, murder still is a crime on the books and if we don't charge you with anything then civil rights activists will get all pissy. I know it's a pest but lemme see what I can do. You sit tight.
Murderer: Okay.
Police: -calls judge friend, talks for a few minutes, returns to talk to the murderer- Alright, I was able to talk to a buddy of mine and here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna bring you downtown and we are going to put you in jail but we are going to make your bail 10 bucks so you won't have to stay. Then we'll set you a court date but I want you to get all your friends and family to write the judge about what a great guy you are. You'll get a one month sentence and with good behavior you'll be out in a week. Then after that, you'll have to do community service but the way you'll do that is by going around to bars and college campuses and alleyways... you know, places where people get murdered… giving lectures about why people shouldn't drink too much alcohol or wear Affliction  shirts ot go to places  where they might get murdered.  Do we have a deal?
Murderer: DEAL!
Police: Good. I hate to see a good young man's name sullied by something so trivial as murdering a few idiots who had it coming. Pin It

No comments:

Post a Comment