Monday, November 21, 2016

Superbowl loser able to take title due to disturbing technicality

I heard a rumor that there is some strange rule within the NFL that under a technicality, the LOSER of the Superbowl can still be handed the title. I'm not a big football fan, but knowing how hardcore many sports fans are, I figured there was no way it could be true because they'd NEVER put up with this crap if it were. Also, I have a passion for myth busting, so I went straight to the source.

Buried within the contents of the NFL 2016 Rule Book, is a stipulation that, in order to level the playing field for the teams that don't make as big a profit as the others, 7% of the time the Superbowl title will be given to the LOSER of the game! The book goes into great detail about how reports will be compiled to determine which teams and which games will be given priority.

We all understand the value of championing the underdog in life, but NOT IN SPORTS! The NFL is the richest organization in the nation! They don't need to be playing some bizarre blend of Santa Claus and Robin Hood to make the sport "more fair." The rules of the game are already fair enough. If they want to do charity, they should be improving schools or sports programs in less fortunate areas. A "poor" NFL team is still pretty damn rich compared to most businesses!

It gets worse. The NFL intends to apply this retroactively, which would mean three or four Superbowl titles could flip! So far, we don't know which ones will flip because the NFL has yet to fully compile all the necessary statistics and profit reports to decide.

"We've had 50 Superbowls and we have to flip 7% of the titles. It turns out 7% of 50 is 3.5, so it could go either way. We're holding a special meeting in December to discuss if that should mean three titles should flip or four since you can't flip half a title," says football commissioner Roger Godell, "I'm not a huge math guy, so I'm not sure which way is right, but I'm going for three," he joked.

This regulation is set to apply to all future Superbowls starting with Superbowl 51 on February 5, 2017. Hopefully, considerable outrage from fans can help stop this unfair, ridiculous regulation and preserve the integrity of the game.


Ok, just kidding. NONE OF THIS IS HAPPENING! I COMPLETELY made all of this up. Calm down. Do not write nasty letters to the NFL. Do not show up at NRG Stadium with pitchforks. Do not burn down Roger Godell's house. IT WAS ALL A LIE!

Why would I scare the hell out of you? I assure you, this is no simple troll. If you are this outraged at a SPORTS GAME, you should be that much more outraged at the United States' presidential election process. 7% of the time, the loser has won the presidency due to a disturbing technicality: The Electoral College. This video explains in detail why the Electoral College is immoral. To sum up, it gives some people's votes more importance than others, the number of votes each state gets is not proportional, it does not represent the will of the people, and it has handed the election to the loser four times, or 7% of elections so far (the video was made well before the 2016 election, so it only mentions three elections or 5% of the elections).

I understand that football is religion to some people, but even the most devout of Monday Night worshippers should agree that the election of the leader of the free world is MUCH MORE important than who gets a big, pretty ring to wear. Abolish the electoral college! Pin It

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