Sunday, May 15, 2016


Ok, children, repeat after me:


There is no Friend Zone, not for men, not for women, not for any adult human being. There are just losers who refuse to accept reality. No one can "put" you anywhere. You're an autonomous, individual, grown-ass man, for fuck's sake! I say "man" because it's mostly men who piss and moan about The Friend Zone. For sheerly probability-related reasons, I am sure there are likely to be women who've said this, but I've never personally heard it from a woman.

You would never look at another man who's a dick to you and say, "Steve is a cool guy and I really like hanging out with him, but he never seems to want to hang out unless it's convenient for him....It's almost like he only wants to hang out so he can get attention. He's MAKING ME let him be a dick to me! He's DICK ZONING ME!"

...yet, men do this with women all the time, "Boohoo, she doesn't like me back...she's FRIEND ZONING ME!" We're supposed to believe that women are just big, evil meanie-pants who force men to let us be cruel to them because we sustain ourselves with the tears of frustrated men by participating in the evil act of HANGING OUT WITH THEM because we actually think they're our friends. How heartless and inhumane we are, indeed...

Here's an idea:

Grow a pair and find someone else to hang out with. 

No one can MAKE YOU keep being their friend. No one can MAKE YOU pay attention to them. No one can MAKE YOU stick around just so they can feel good about themselves. It isn't nice if someone leads you on, but they cannot lead you on if you tell them to go fuck off. The Friend Zone is in your head and you are in it because you want to be there. You want to keep thinking you can convince this person to like you instead of moving on and taking care of yourself. This is your CHOICE!

How is that? Who would "choose" to be there? You've chosen not to take care of your needs, you've chosen not to move on, and you've chosen to sit around and whine about it instead of understanding that attraction is not always (or even usually) a two-way street. You have to be responsible for YOURSELF! You should know yourself well enough to know if you can or cannot maintain a friendship with someone you're attracted to who isn't attracted back.

Some people can do that. Personally, I can't, so if I develop feelings for a guy and he doesn't have them for me, I stop talking to him. It's not great to have to lose a friend, for me or for him, but for my own emotional protection this is what I have to do...and believe me, I can't even count how many times I've been interested in guys who have not been interested in pretty much every guy I've been interested in...and you don't see me sitting here whining about being "put in the friend zone," because I grew the fuck up and took care of myself.

If they keep being your friend after you tell them you like them and they don't like you back, it's usually because they want to be your friend not because they're evil sociopaths who gain strength from watching other people hurt because they really do need that much attention....and if they ARE that kind of person, then they're an awful person and WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE?! They haven't Friend Zoned people...they're just fucking dickholes.

If they were ever actually are your friend, you should be able to tell them you can't be friends anymore and they should understand that and comply, even if it hurts them a little bit to lose you as a friend. If you have a chick friend and you are interested in her and she is not interested back, tell her honestly, "Look, I do think you're great and I like being with you, but I don't think we can be friends if you're not interested in me romantically because it hurts me too much."

If you can't say that or she can't accept that, then you're both assholes and you deserve each other.

Friendship with women is not punishment and a woman's vagina is not a reward you can win with Nice Guy skee ball tickets from Chuck E. Cheese.

SPOILER ALERT: If that's what you think of a woman in the first place, you were NEVER her friend anyway!


The Twilight Zone is more factually accurate than this. 
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