Monday, December 17, 2012

I hate The Big Bang Theory....there, I said it.

I'm sorry in advance for this....but it must be said. Actually, wait, I'm not sorry at all, I'm just sorry that a bunch of you are going to bitch at me for this and I don't want to have to hear about what a bad person I am for it. Anyway.....

Because I'm kind of a nerd, every non-nerd I know insists that, "OMG THE BIG BANG THEORY IS SOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY! HOW COULD YOU NOT LIKE IT?!?! I'D THINK IT WOULD MATCH YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR! I MEAN, YOU  HAVE FRIENDS LIKE THAT, RIGHT?!"

-headdesk-

So, to explain why it does not, in fact, match my sense of humor or the sense of humor of anyone else with one molecule of taste, here is a list explaining why I, and everyone else should, hate The Big Bang Theory:

The acting is horrible. Hi, I'm an actor. I haven't worked since Roseanne 20 years ago (and I used to think he was cute on that show...man times have changed). I am going to try my best to pretend to know what a nerd is. I know, I'll make my voice sound nasally. That makes me a nerd, right? Oh, and glasses...I'll wear glasses. Nerds wear glasses. And even though I play someone who is totally outside of society, my taste in women is ripped straight from Maxim magazine. Which brings me to my next bone of contention.

Penny. No, I'm not "jealous" because she's "hotter" than me. First of all, I am capable of liking people hotter than me. Catherine Zeta Jones, P!NK, Cheryl Burke, Jenna Marbles, Katy Perry, Mila Kunis....all way hotter than me, all people I super-like. Second, I don't think Penny is hotter than me for the simple reason that she's cross eyed and looks like she has a touch of down syndrome and I don't. Still, her retarded face is not the main reason I hate everything about her character. She is a complete loser...but she is blond and stupid and shows her tummy, so, yay? Somehow, while being a diner waitress, she can afford a huge apartment by herself. She's shallow, she's an idiot, she's materialistic, she knows nothing about anything nerdy, and yet, one of the nerdy guys is in love with her because...you know...men only have one type of woman they like. It just does more to promote the idea that men are allowed to have their own identities, have their own subcultures, have their own ideals of what makes them happy...but women's only function is to be blond losers that most people think of as hot...even if they look retarded.

Amy. Ah, yes, we didn't want to be sexist so we added a female uber-geek...but we're still totally sexist, so that uber-geek must be painted as completely asexual...because....ew. Girls aren't allowed to look, think, act, and be that way and if they have any sexuality of any kind...because that would be gross.


Racism. Oh, yeah, we put in a token Indian guy. We didn't want everyone to think we were racist and thought only white people could be geeks...better get a brown dude. Hmmm, there aren't many black nerds and Latin nerds probably wouldn't go over well either. People aren't quite ready to let Arabs be on TV yet and I guess the Asian nerd stereotype might be overdone. I know, we'll get an Indian. Everyone knows Indians are geeks, but they haven't complained enough about being stereotyped...as long as we don't have him working in a call center, we should be good. Also, he can't talk to girls, which is okay because girls don't like Indian dudes anyway.

Anti-Semitism. We're running out of -isms here....but yeah, we better have a Jew loser (a Jewser?). Of course, he can't just be a nerd who happens to be Jewish. He has to also be a walking, talking stereotype ordered straight out of Racist Monthly. In fact, he's such a Jew stereotype that even when we can't even hire a hooker for him unless we make her act like a stereotypical Jew too...of course, we'll pay for her because, you know, what Jew would actually pay for a hooker? 

In summation,

I HATE THE BIG BANG THEORY!

I don't care if They Might Be Giants sings your dumb little intro, your show is crap and everybody knows it. It's worse than a hipster's wet dream. Why don't you make it extra hipstery and put Zooey Deschanel in it...or is she too busy pretending to be quirky and neeto on some other awful show? Fuck you, Fuck your show. Fuck anybody who likes that show. Quadruple fuck anyone who tells me I'm somehow doing myself a disservice by not liking this show.

Oh, what's that? I'm being too negative? I don't have the right to tell you what to like and what not to like? THEN NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL WHEN YOUR STUPID ASS INSISTS THAT I SHOULD LIKE THAT PILE OF REGURGITATED ELEPHANT SHIT!

Besides, don't you dare try to tell me there isn't stuff in entertainment that drive you insane....you just didn't put it in a blog. Blow me.

Here's some real nerd humor for you:


 Image stolen from someone on tumblr.com, who definitely stole it from someone else.

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6 comments:

  1. You're a fucking idiot. Sure, most of the characters are fucking retards, other than Sheldon, but that doesn't make the show bad. Suck it, shit eagle.

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    1. This loser named himself MARKY MARK! Pathetic!

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    2. Marky, your vocabulary is so limited, you can't even get through a single sentence without using profanity. YOU'RE the idiot.

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  2. Thank you. I am a Biology professor and I can't stand how everyone worships this show. All of my colleagues, the Dean, the VPAA, ugh -nauseating. I am so relieved to find one other person out there that hates this fucking awful show with a depth that matches my own. Interestingly, I don't have detailed reasoning like you. One on my fellow professors DVRer it and played me 3 episodes. I hate it because IT IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY!

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  3. Your article is DEAD ON. I have hated this show since it began.

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  4. Big Bang Theory is getting annoying. Sheldon's rudeness, spitting out words too fast, lack of empathy, and social stupidity is getting old. Penny's massive stupidity is not even realistic. I can understand at least some or most of what the guys are talking about, but every episode she says "huh" or "what??" or "I don't get it" to even the most simple conversations. Oh, and I do have to mention she does this with her mouth wide open like (duh), I think you hit the nail on the head about the touch of down syndrome. Bernadette is just annoying all the way around from her voice to her neurosis. Howard is less disgusting now that he's married and Raj needs to start talking to women without drinking by now - 7 years? Amy is an example of a person whose character has evolved from a cold scientist like Sheldon, to someone who is exploring her feelings. In fact, Amy is the only person I like on the show. They need more black people on the show. Apparently, we're not smart enough..sigh

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