Saturday, December 22, 2012

Dear Animal Planet

I really have had it with this Finding Bigfoot bullshit. At first I just rolled my eyes and avoided the channel when it was on. However, now it's on ALL THE TIME. When it's not on, it's being advertised and when it's being advertised, I feel a volcano bubbling deep in my gut.

In a vain attempt to change it, I wrote Animal Planet the following letter (yes, it's a little caustic):

Dear Animal Planet, 

I have been a happy viewer for many years and I generally like your programming. Too Cute, Blue Planet, and Monsters Inside Me are among my favorites. Please accept my sincerest appreciation for the bulk of your programming. With that said, I can only hope that am one of many who wish you would reconsider running the atrocity known as Finding Bigfoot.

There is no Bigfoot. You know there is no Bigfoot. Everyone knows there is no Bigfoot. Brilliant scientists continuously wow the world with their discoveries of new creatures. When that happens it's usually in a place we haven't looked because we have lacked the technology to reach it; or sometimes they get lucky and creatures wash up dead on a beach somewhere. Yet somehow, within a finite amount of territory, there is a spooky, mysterious creature that we're sure exists, even though scientists have found NOTHING from it; no hair, no bones, no teeth, no skulls, no carcasses, no skin, no clear photos, no clear videos, not even a petrified turd. Do you honestly mean to tell me that we found bin Laden in a few short years, but after decades and decades, we can't even find a worthy piece of evidence of Bigfoot but we're supposed to believe he's really out there? Ruh-roh, Shaggy. 

Please stop contributing to the dumbing down of society and the placation of those whose IQs have already sunk to a critical level. In this age of a deplorable education system full of people who are literally willing to believe anything, that vaccines cause autism, that fluoridated water will kill you, that the Bush family funded the Holocaust, that AIDS and crack were created by our government to destroy the black man, and that Elvis never left the building, there is no need to add fuel to an already raging blaze of ignorance. 

I understand how the market works. If nobody watches your programs, your sponsors' products don't sell, you don't make any money. Unfortunately, you've fallen into the shameful trap of convincing yourself that a decent amount of people are idiotic anyway, best jingle the keys in front of their faces; simple supply and demand. Yet, the more desperately we need intelligent, educational, evidence-based programming, the more rubbish “reality” shows pervade. Animal Planet need not willingly place itself in this trap. People can and do get enough drivel from The “Learning” Channel, where they can learn how to have 20 kids, waste money on a charlatan who claims to be psychic, design the trashiest wedding possible, or be a pedophile's chubby little wet dream. 

Then we have the audacity to wonder why 17 other nations rank higher in science education than the U.S.A. The pretty shiny keys keep being jingled and Animal Planet is becoming an embarrassing keyring. You know it's wrong, but you do it anyway because it's cheap and easy. You are in a unique situation where you have the power to create the demand and the supply. Make it so. 

Katie Smith 

P.S. Rattlesnake Republic should go extinct as well. 

If you agree, please contact Animal Planet viewer relations. Feel free to copy this letter and put your name on it.

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