Monday, November 12, 2012

Fetus Dreams

I had the strangest dream. Of course, dreams are all strange, but some leave a particular mark on the psyche.

So, in this dream, I was sitting around, minding my business relaxing in my parents house, which, in usual dream fashion, looked nothing like any of the houses they've actually lived in. They weren't in the same room as me, but I was in a strange, large, yellow-walled room bereft of furniture minus the chair I sat on.I remember I was waiting for my parents, but I can't recall why.

I was wearing jeans and an over-sized navy and purple hoodie with a white shirt underneath. As I sat and waited, I experienced something similar to nausea and cramps, but different. I somehow "knew" I was going into labor, even though I had no idea I was pregnant. I thought surely my mind was playing tricks on me, but the pre-labor pains and contractions persisted.

My parents came into the room and could see I was distressed, but they didn't know what about. I explained to them, "I think I'm in labor."

They looked at me like I was nuts because I wasn't visibly pregnant by any stretch of the imagination. I insisted I was going into labor.

"I don't know what to do! I didn't know I was pregnant, so I don't know how old she is. If I want to get an abortion, it may be too late. She might be premature, but maybe she's nine months."

"How do you know it's a girl?" mom asked.

"I just know it," I told her.

Then, somehow, perhaps my mom told me, I got the idea to feel around my tummy to see if I could feel a baby in there, to make sure I wasn't going bonkers about going into labor. Surprisingly, I could actually feel the baby's skull. I lifted up my hoodie and shirt and could see a skull protruding from the inside of my stomach; not really a face, just the projection of a skull.

So, we were certain there was a baby, but before I would let them take me to the hospital, I had to talk with them about what I'd do with the baby. Surprisingly enough, my parents were very calm and analytical, quite opposite of how they'd be in reality if I got pregnant.

I contemplated to myself about abortion, adoption, or motherhood, and then I talked to my mom about it.

"I don't want kids, certainly not now. I suppose I could give her up for adoption, but once I give birth, I might not want to. If I had more time, I could maybe find a couple that would let me have visitation. I definitely don't want to just give her away to strangers and never see her again. I really don't want an abortion and it may be too late for that to be legal anyway."

Also surprisingly, they didn't steer me in one direction or another, but told me they'd be supportive and respectful of my decision regardless.

By this time, the baby's whole body was protruding from my stomach. It looked really strange. First of all, it was unusually small, almost like it shrank because the head was now much smaller than the skull I felt and saw before; the whole thing was only the size of my hand. Second, it almost looked like a fetus wrapped in a layer of skin had just been glued onto my stomach. The whole body was just sticking straight out of the middle of my stomach. No amnion, no lining, just skin.

I didn't make a decision before waking up, so who knows the fate of the weird fetus skeleton protrusion I had.

It should be noted that I am on the pill and I am not bare backing anyone at the moment, so this does not portend any possible pregnancies in real life. I don't put a lot of stock in dream interpretation, but as I said in the beginning, some dreams can be particularly striking. Incidentally, I did look up "Pregnancy" in a really crappy dream dictionary I have (it has weird interpretations of things and contains odd words but then lacks usual words) and apparently, "For a woman to dream she is pregnant denotes she will be unhappy with her husband and her children will be unattractive."

I'm not married, but maybe I shouldn't be because apparently I'm gonna end up miserable with ugly kids.

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