Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Sequels are retarded

So, it's Halloween time and lately I've been seeing a bunch of trailers for Paranormal Activity 4. I enjoyed Paranormal Activity I, but it really just has one genuinely scary moment and did well to stand on its own. Alas, it made money, so people had to go and re-re-re-reproduce it. I am certain the latest release will suck because sequels usually do.

There are reasons I usually hate movie sequels most of the time. The main reason is that they suck. The second is that they're predictably formulaic. Unless they're originally written to be presented in many parts, it's basically just the following formula:

Step 1: Take same movie and take out good parts.
Step 2: Replace good parts with bad parts.
Step 3: Add million dollar special effects to bad parts.
Step 4: Put all new bad parts in commercial.
Step 5: Trick audience into thinking bad parts are good
Step 6: Profit.

Then we get to the clever marketing plan:

Phase I: Make sequel.
Phase II:
Phase III: Profit.

I guess I have this bizarre idea that, although movies are products, they are also art. If Leonardo DaVinci painted Mona Lisa 2: Evolution, Mona Lisa 3: Back with a vengeance, then Mona Lisa 4, 5, and 6, which are actually supposed to be Mona Lisa 1, 2, and 3, then I very seriously doubt artists from all over the world would make pilgrimages to Paris to see the original Mona Lisa.

...because the special effects in Mona Lisa 7 were just way better.

Not to mention, some cunt is probably going to come along in a hundred years and paint a painting of a blonde girl who isn't smiling and who is standing in front of a background of New England and call it Mona Lisa....and half the population won't know the difference because they never cared about the original Mona Lisa in the first place.

Sequels, and their ugly cousin, Remake, usually end up perverting the entire art, let alone the original piece....which is why they usually suck. If an artist has talent and dedication, she should be able to consistently produce several works of beautiful art, rather than just chewing up and regurgitating the same crap over and over.

Fuck sequels. There, I said it.

......and don't even get me started on book adaptations or movies "based on a true story."

Image stolen from, who stole it from, who probably stole it from someone else.
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