Monday, September 10, 2012

A different kind of slut shaming

This is not about shaming a girl who leads a healthy sex life or who plays with multiple, consensual  partners (there is nothing wrong with anyone male or female doing this as long as nobody is being lied to). This is about shaming women who aren't "sluts," women who want traditional, monogamous, long term relationships.

It may seem a strange thing to bring up in a time when you have conservatives seeming to want to dictate women's sexual behavior as unprotected sex with a husband that her father approved of, ONLY. Anything else makes you a slut. Yet, even though that's what men seem to be asking for, they don't want that either.

Because there are women who like to have fun with lots of boy toys, that makes one more thing men feel entitled to. There's a whole crop of men who feel confused and angry when they meet a woman, particularly a feminist, that wants a relationship. The disappointed party usually says something like, "Wait, but I thought you were a feminist? Isn't that one of the points? That women are allowed to have sex with whoever they want and not be ashamed? So, why are you ashamed? Why don't you want to have fun? You must not really be a feminist."


Women are in a situation where we can't win. If we screw around for fun, we're sluts. If we want relationships, we're anti-feminists. In fact, we're tired, old hags that are just looking to "trap" a man if we actually have long term expectations. I'm beginning to think that people make up any excuse to dictate female behavior.


Freedom doesn't mean utilization. We have tons of freedoms in the United States that we don't all utilize every day, but we still respect others' ability to utilize them. Plenty of people support gun ownership but don't own guns. Plenty of pro-choice women would never have abortions themselves. Plenty of marriage equality supporters don't want to get married. Why do we think that women support the right to sleep around must also do so? It's ridiculous.

There is no defnition of  feminist beyond wanting equality in the law and the workplace and general respect for all people in society. There is no other feature necessary. You can be a housewife, a stripper, an office worker, a CEO, you can even be....GASP....A MAN! It's simply about respecting other people's choices, not what choice you have made for yourself.

It's okay to want a no-strings-attached situation. It doesn't make you a dick or a slut. In fact, it's respectable  to be upfront with this desire because we all know there are plenty of people that aren't and land their exes in therapy to deal with the deception. On the other hand, if you want respect, you have to give it. A woman may want casual sex, she may not. It's HER choice and HER life. The worst you should ever say to her is, "Aw, darn," not give her some lecture that attempts to degrade her with your misguided view of feminism.
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