Sunday, January 8, 2012
The root of it is that men long to control women's emotions and expressions so much to the point that most of them don't know what to do with a woman who is calm and clear. Some will argue, attempt to find biological justifications, make special exceptions, or say that it's 50:50 between men and women. It's not. Of course there are people that don't fit into the mold, but denying the mold exists is asinine. Men, in general, have a very difficult time when a woman expresses herself clearly. It doesn't mean men "don't like" it, or that they're intentionally "being dicks," but things so simple as, "I don't think that's funny," is something that is sure to become a huge debate that, for some reason, leaves the woman feeling degraded and insulted, and if it's in public, makes her peers look down on her while her male counterpart is always spared what should be his shame.
Here is a typical scenario:
Man (excited): Did you see Dumb Humor Movie?
Woman (calm): Yeah, but I didn't really like it.
Man (still excited, but slightly defensive): WHAT?! That movie is SOOOOOO FUNNY! How could you note like it?
Woman (still calm, shrugging): Eh, it's just not my humor.
Man (excitement:defensiveness, 50:50): How can it not be? It's hilarious! Like that time that Dude said that thing to Bro. I laughed my ass off!
Woman (calm:defensive, 75:25, but trying to hide the :25): It's just not really my thing.
Man (excitement:defensiveness, 25:75): Where is your sense of humor? I used to think you were funny....man, you've lost your edge.
Woman (calmness:defensiveness, 75:25 with 50% irritation added): No, I haven't, I just don't like that movie.
Man (excitement:defensiveness 0:100, 75% refusal added): Wow....I didn't realize you had given up on comedy.
Woman (calmness: defensiveness 0:100, 90% frustration added): I haven't! I just don't think that movie is funny!!
Man (ah, he's got her right where he wants her): Whoa....settle down Miss Sensitive. It was just a conversation about a movie. Why do you have to overreact to everything like that?
Must I go on, or is it clear how much control men EXPECT to have over women's thoughts? We all know the metaphor, "Three strikes and you're out," applies to so many situations, but in this case, he's swung at three strikes, but somehow she's the one who's out.
Men may or may not realize they're doing this blatant form of mind control. My guess is optimistic (if you can call it that). I doubt most men realize what they're really doing deep down is longing to control female expression. To them, it's just second nature; something they don't even calculate. It's like how Granny makes the best apple pie without even a glance at a recipe, but if you ask her to write one down, she can't because she doesn't really know what she does. Yet, you stick her alone in a room with some flour, sugar, apples, and an oven, somehow a perfect pie comes out every time.
Of course, by now, I've already lost perhaps 99% of the male audience, if there was one to begin with, because I am expressing myself very clearly, pointing out something they don't want to acknowledge, and telling them to change it. Alas, for the sake of that 1% of you, for whom I still have hope, or for female victims of the situation, who've been so commonly frustrated by this behavior, that have never really understood why men do this or what's really going on, I would like to break down the conversation.
First, a man tells a woman his opinion and seeks acceptance. Although placed in the form of a question, he is NOT, in fact, asking her opinion. However, conditioned by society to believe that men directly say what they mean and mean what they say, and don't "manipulate" words in the passive-aggressive ways that women do so often, the woman genuinely believes she is being asked for her opinion, so she gives it.
Still seeking acceptance and now, cooperation, the man refutes her opinion and continues to force his upon her. At first, she thinks little of it, so she remains calm and believes that if she continues to calmly explain that she doesn't agree, he will accept it.
He will never accept it.
His next move is to attack her, but he won't go with full force, because he knows he will look like a complete ape if he does. So, he goes for a low jab, one that seems just harmless enough to be unoffensive, but just harmful enough to suade her. She senses this impending attack, so naturally, her defenses raise slightly, and she shows a bit of irritation.
Realizing his not-so-subtle jab has not penetrated the fortress, his next step is a full on attack. Instead of accepting that she does not share his sense of humor, he attacks her as a person, stating that she clearly has NO sense of humor if she does not agree with him. Of course, she is cognizant of this blatant attack, and in defense, she tightens her muscles, strengthens her posture, and raises her voice, to signal him that she is both aware of the attack and that she will not concede so easily.
His final blow, one that usually reigns him victorious, uses both personal and social manipulation to hystercize her. He manipulates her and any onlookers using weapons of mass distraction. He is conditioned by society to see woman as irrational and over-emotional. He uses both his conditioning and the society that has produced it to make it appear as if she is the attacker, the aggressor, and the arbiter and that he is the powerless victim, being emasculated and subjected to yet another incident of estrogen-induced oppression by some hysterical bitch that overreacts to everything. He knows he'll be surrounded by silent allies, so he goes for the kill.
Sadly, it is rare that he does not succeed, placing himself back upon his personally and socially constructed throne atop the wounded beast's back. He has kept his ego, he has beaten his opponent into submission, he has assured the rest of society they will be safe from her in the future, and should she rise again, he will be there to strike her down.
If you're a woman, this is done to you constantly. If you're a man, you do this constantly. If you're an onlooker, you accept this constantly. Yet, never a lash is batted because we are so accustomed to it. In fact, we accept this extremely manipulative, hurtful, evil behavior as "typical" of men. How fucked up is that? Pin It