Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Katie: Portrait of a Young Trouble Maker

Although my family was Catholic, I went to a Methodist pre-school. I'm pretty sure the program was secular, or if it did have any religion, it was strictly generic Christian, nothing leaning toward a particular sect.

One of the more interesting facts about my pre-school was that it took place in a church with no real school or playground area. So, what better place to substitute for a playground than a cemetery. Yes, I played recess in a cemetery as a pre-schooler. Draw conclusions at will. We used to always lie to each other about stuff we saw through the mausoleum window, not knowing that the window was backed by cement.

I don't remember many details since I was pretty little at the time and now I'm pretty big. I do remember befriending another girl named Katie (Katie H) and a boy whose name was Germy. Yes, I swear! It was Germy, not Jeremy. I specifically pulled him aside to question his parents' name making decision, but he assured me it was a common name. Needless to day, I never wanted to hold hands with or play Red Rover next to the guy.

One seemingly usual school day, as soon as my mother woke me up, I told her, "Mom, I'm gonna sit in the biiiiiig chair today."

My mom was confused. Of course, it wouldn't be the first time something completely random and nonsensical came from my mouth, so she just shrugged it off. She made me come downstairs for a nice breakfast of cinnamon toast and orange juice. There may have been oatmeal involved. Again, before I ate, I mentioned, "I'm gonna sit in the biiiiig chair today."

Once again, my mom shrugged. She led me up the stairs to brush my teeth and wash my face. Soon after, she helped me get dressed. Yet again, I swore, "I'm gonna sit in the biiiiiiig chair today."

Finally, she asked me, "What's the big chair?"

I refused to answer, so she went about dressing me and fixing my hair into a braid. It was time for her to drive me to pre-school. We arrived, she gave me a kiss and dropped me off. As I exited the vehicle, one last time I reminded her, "Today I'm gonna sit in the biiiiig chair."

She had heard it so many times that by that point, she just ignored it and said, "Ok, pumpkin, have a good day at school," and drove off.

Like any other day, games, snacks, and learning activities ensued. Before I knew it, the day was done and it was time for my mom to pick me up again. She parked the car and went in to get me and to talk to my teacher, Miss Bikini. Again, I swear, folks around there had the weirdest names. I recall my mother questioning me over the name in the very beginning of the school year.

"Are you SURE it's Miss Bikini?"

"Yes!" I insisted.

"It's not...McKinney or something else?"

"No! I swear! It's Miss Bikini!"

Anyway, the confrontation began.

"Is there, by chance, a big chair here?"

"Haha, why, yes, there sure is," Miss Bikini laughed.

"What is it? Katie was going on all morning about sitting in the big chair," my mom inquired.

Miss Bikini pointed out the chair and explained, "The big chair is where they sit when they misbehave. It's time out."

My mom smirked at me and I smiled innocently.

"Well, did she sit in the big chair today?"

"She sure did. Almost all day," replied Miss Bikini.

She was right, but I was framed. I didn't recall doing anything inappropriate, but from the moment I awoke, I knew someone was out to get me. I did spend most of the day wrongly accused, hoisted on to that awful chair. How my heart sank when my own mother believed the lies. Alas, at least I knew the truth. Pin It

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